Angela (Funny short story)
So I wanted to get married because people are already seeing me as if I don’t just want to marry. I say let me kuku invite this girl over to come and follow me and stay for like one week so that I will learn her character for like one week and know if I should get serious with her because we have known for awhile and she is really cool on the phone.
Angela where ever you are, just know that husband will hard you to find because you are very very wicked.
So I convinced her to come spend a week or two in my flat so we could be like husband and wife small and see how it looks, whether e go work or not. Angela agreed to come on Friday oo and clearly stated that I will pay her transportation oo. I say ah ah Angela, do I look like a joke to you? I have your transport, be coming.
So Angela come that Friday night oo, landing in my estate with Uber. I say Angela ah ah, did I say you should enter Uber? Hey God! I ask Uber man where did you pick her from, he said Ikorodu. Oh my goodness. From Ikorodu to Ajah even with flight sef is 2 hours. Uber man told me that there was serious traffic on the way, they spent over 6 hours coming. The money is N15,200. I tell the Uber man my brother you will not see traffic going back. I didn’t say that with my heart but then let it not be as if I am happy Angela stayed in traffic and also for him to consider me and reduce the money.
OK no problem, I pay 15k to Uber man and he left. Angela have mind to tell me that she thought the thing will even reach 20k with the kind of traffic they saw.
Angela may you never use your 15k to finance a nonsense project. Ikorodu to Ajah that is not more that N1,200. Even the people that have Uber have not enter their own Uber from Ikorodu to Ajah before. God is Good motors from Ajah Park to Enugu is N8,500. Angela did you come from Enugu that you are paying even more than Enugu money within Lagos? Are you mad?
I say OK, no problem. Angela enter house and go and bath. Next thing she say what did I cook that she is hungry. I say I don’t usually cook oo I am even waiting for her to come and cook. I usually have all these bread, cornflakes, Golden morn and milk and milo. That’s what you would always find here oo. I eat most times in eateries oo Angela.
Angela say no problem she will drink golden morn.
Angela you finish my milk. Am I the person that put hunger in your stomach from Ikorodu? Are you mad ni? Did I bring you here to train you like a small pikin that they are training with milk? Even children sef don’t finish milk like this. Milk that I buy N2,500 that use to last me for 2 weeks.
Next thing Angela finish and sleep. No cook nothing nothing. Now she have finish milk nothing for me to eat I started chewing bread like that. Only the first night of our pre-wedding life.
She woke up the next morning and went straight to the fridge and drank 2 bottles of my Fanta I keep in the fridge and started chewing bread.
Angela are they not giving you people food in Ikorodu? Or did you fast for 1 month before coming here? You have finish 2 full bread. Not agege bread oo, complete sliced bread that they are selling 500. Angel you finish N1,000 bread. Same bread Jesus used to feed 5000 people. Only you eat it.
She said Chukwuma why are you complaining? Angela I will complain. I will complain because you are not the person that is giving me money to buy this bread.
I did not even know that Angela know how to on Gen. There was no light that morning, Angel went and on Gen and started watching DSTV. I say Angela ah ah this early morning, you have not even wash the cup you use and drink golden morn yesterday.
She watch film until my fuel finish around evening time. Next thing she said she is hungry that she can not be starving everyday in my house. Angela that finish two big loaves of bread this morning said I am starving her. And by the way you just stayed one day and you are saying everyday.
She said she wants to cook and I said finally. Angela will finally cook and I will eat her food. I asked what she wants to cook and how much she will need. She said 5k is what she needs. I say no problem because I know 5k cook will be plenty atleast for 1 full day.
She went all the way to Ajah market to buy what she will cook. I say nawao oo this must be a delicious meal. She stayed like 1 hour and came back and started cooking.
Food done and Angela serve Indomie.
Angela, shey you wan dey whyne me ni? Shey na Indomie you carry 5k cook? Shey na indomie salad? Or indomie BBQ? Are you mad? So because of indomie you went to Ajah market. Ajah market that people who use to cook restaurants usually go and buy stuffs, you went there to buy just indomie with 5k I gave you.
Angela where is my change? You are owing me N4,500.
That’s how Angela ate indomie only her oo because I said I will never eat that indomie. I went to Calabar kitchen and ate vegetable soup. When I came back I saw Angela combing her hair in my sitting room, all her hair was cutting and dirtying all my chair. I say Angela where are you going you are combing hair? Angela say nowhere. So you are going nowhere you are seriously combing your hair with this big comb as if you want to travel.
So I asked her a simple futuristic question. Angela where do you see yourself in the next 5 years? Typical Igbo girl replied me “hia, 5 years kwa, me that I am trying to Owerri next week you are talking about 5 years, I am not seeing any 5 years, I am in Lagos for now”.
So I started giving Angela advice because it’s looking to me like Angela doesn’t have sense. Anytime I correct her or give her small advice, she will get angry at me and be vexing. I even got tired and stopped advising. Advice wey go cause fight, I no dey give again. You are old enough to know that you don’t have sense, Angela.
So Angela stayed her one week and I couldn’t even wait for one week to reach so that she can go abeg. I don’t watch my DSTV again because she is glued to Zee world and African magic. She loves watching so much that she even left with my DSTV remote.
Angela come and carry your comb you left in my house. You are making it look as if I am married. I can’t even lie that I am the person using woman comb. And when you are coming, come with my DSTV remote.
The end…."Angela (Funny short story)"
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